What Is Self-Soothing?

Self-soothing is calming your nervous system in healthy, helpful ways. It’s what you do to regulate stress, ground yourself, and stop your brain from going into panic mode. It’s not a luxury. It’s survival.

✅ Examples of self-soothing include:

• Breathing deeply when you feel overwhelmed
• Stepping outside for fresh air between client calls
• Stretching or moving your body to release tension
• Journaling to process a stressful day
• Having a good cry or calling a friend

Self-soothing helps you pause before reacting. It gives your logical brain a chance to come back online so you can make better decisions in your business and life.

What Is Self-Sabotage?

Self-sabotage is when you unconsciously block your own progress. It’s rooted in fear, old patterns, or low self-worth. And it often feels like you’re just “protecting yourself,” when really – you’re holding yourself back 😭.

❌ Examples of self-sabotage include:

• Ghosting clients because you’re scared of a difficult conversation
• Undercharging – again – even though you promised yourself you wouldn’t
• Procrastinating on launching that new service or raising your prices
• Filling your calendar with admin instead of marketing or sales tasks
• Over-giving in your personal life until you burn out

Self-sabotage usually feels productive or safe in the moment. But in the long term, it drains your energy, your confidence, and your business bank account.

Here’s Where It Gets Tricky…

Self-soothing and self-sabotage can look *similar* on the surface.

That nap you needed? It might be rest… or it might be avoidance.

That glass of wine? Comfort… or escape.

That social scroll? Mental break… or procrastination.

The difference is how you feel after.

• ✅ Self-soothing leaves you feeling calm, clearer, and more centred
• ❌ Self-sabotage leaves you feeling guilty, stuck, or more anxious than before

Start asking: “Is this helping me feel better long-term… or just numbing the discomfort?”

How It Shows Up In Business

Self-soothing in business:

✅ You take 10 mins between jobs to breathe and reset.

✅ You set boundaries with that one difficult client.

✅ You give yourself permission to take a day off because you’re no good to anyone burnt out.

Self-sabotage in business:

❌ You cancel discovery calls because you’re scared to sell.

❌ You say yes to last-minute bookings that ruin your schedule.

❌ You tell yourself “I’ll deal with that later” – but later never comes.

How It Shows Up In Life

Self-soothing in life:

✅ You journal about what’s really upsetting you instead of taking it out on someone else.

✅ You set aside time for yourself, guilt-free.

✅ You go for a walk instead of reaching for your phone or snacks.

Self-sabotage in life:

❌ You overcommit to things you don’t want to do.

❌ You doom-scroll until 1 am, then beat yourself up for being tired.

❌ You numb your feelings instead of processing them.

How To Spot the Pattern

Most of the time, these patterns are old habits we picked up to feel safe. But they may no longer serve us. The first step is noticing your defaults.

• Do you shrink when things get hard?
• Do you feel guilty for resting?
• Do you work hard but avoid the uncomfortable conversations?
• Do you get distracted right when you’re about to make progress?

Start tracking your reactions. Ask: Is this helping or harming me? Is this soothing or sabotaging?

How To Start Unlearning It

• 💛 Start with awareness – write down what you notice without judgement
• 🧠 Learn to sit with discomfort – it’s not dangerous, uncomfortable, yes, but you won’t die
• 📔 Use daily journaling to understand your patterns and beliefs
• 🛑 Pause before numbing – ask “What do I really need right now?”
• 👥 Get support – through coaching, therapy, or community

You don’t have to be perfect. You just have to start noticing. The mental shift begins when you choose a different response, one that supports your future, not just your fears.